Thoughts about cheese

Most people who know me know that I'm bisexual, but lots don't. At work, for instance, I've never really felt like opening up about that side of myself, and there are even friends of mine who don't know. Or, at least, I haven't told them. Here's why.

The main reason that lots of people don't know that I'm bisexual is probably that I've been in a very happy relationship with a lovely man for the past six and a half years, which means that people tend to assume that I'm straight, and I don't bother to correct them. And to be honest, I don't really see it as anyone else's business. Just as people wouldn't know which type of cheese I prefer unless they asked me, I don't really see why I should inform them of my sexual preferences. 

Imagine that cheese preference is what we're talking about here, and my point might be clearer.

Friend: "What's that you're eating?"
Me: "It's a cheese sandwich. It's really tasty. I'm very happy with it."
Friend: "What sort of cheese is it?"
Me: "Cheddar." 
Friend: "Oh."
Me: "I do like other sorts of cheese, though."
Friend: "O...kay. Erm... good?"
Me: "I just thought I should let you know - I don't only like cheddar. I've been sticking to cheddar for a while now - a particular brand of cheddar, in fact, because I love it more than all of the other cheeses in the world - but I do like other cheeses, too."
Friend: "..."

My sexuality shouldn't make a difference, but it does. And that's why I'm writing this post.

I feel that if I'm not open about my sexuality on this blog, then I'm somehow lying by omission. While my sexual tastes make no difference whatsoever to how much I enjoy drag queen performances or a DJ's musical choices, I feel that if I'm not open and honest from the start of writing The Fag Hag Rag, then I'm not being true to myself, or fair to the LGBT community.

I haven't refrained from telling people because I'm ashamed of my sexuality, but rather because I firmly believe my sexuality isn't all that interesting. It's only one part of my being. Morgan Freeman puts it better than I do: in an interview with CBS, Freeman called Black History Month “ridiculous” and said that he felt that the best way to get rid of racism was to “stop talking about it.”

“I'm going to stop calling you a white man. And I'm going to ask you to stop calling me a black man. I know you as Mike Wallace. You know me as Morgan Freeman. You're not going to say, "I know this white guy named Mike Wallace." Hear what I'm saying?”

I hear you, Morgan. I agree completely. Constantly feeling that you have to comment on someone's sexuality, or skin colour, or religious beliefs, when referring to them means that without even realising you're doing so, you're pointing out what makes them different - as if it matters, somehow. If their race, or religion, or sexuality is relevant to the conversation you're having, then fine. But why bother to point it out otherwise? Why does it matter?

This is the main reason that I haven't bothered to tell everyone that I meet that I find some women attractive. Because... who cares?

However, in the fight for equality, and with human rights for LGBT people being trampled on in countries like Russia, Uganda and the USA, I feel that it's important that I stand up and be counted. We're not at the point yet where I can not bother to tell people that I'm bisexual, because our community and our supporters still need to campaign for basic human rights: being able to enter a restaurant without fear of being lawfully ejected by the owners; or being able to teach kids about LGBT relationships without fear of being imprisoned; or not facing a lifetime behind bars just for being in a same sex relationship. 

We all need to stand up and be counted, support one another, and refuse to take this rubbish. As the old saying goes, there's safety in numbers - and the more of us that shout, the louder our voices will be. Though I can shout up alongside the LGBT community and show my support without harping on about my sexuality, I feel that in this instance my sexuality is relevant, so it's worth commenting on.

I look forward to the day when our LGBT children, or grandchildren, or great grandchildren, don't need to 'come out'. Though coming out is a very important point in LGBT people's lives at the moment, and I applaud loudly anyone who has proudly come out to friends and family, I look forward to the day when it doesn't need to happen. When being queer isn't a big deal. When telling someone you're gay really is just like expressing what your favourite type of cheese is.

When, unless it's relevant to the conversation, it really doesn't matter.

I'm not saying that LGBT people shouldn't be proud of who they are; far from it. Our community has a fantastic history of brave individuals and a wonderfully rich culture that we all should be very, very proud of, and which is so rich and interesting that I want to dedicate a blog to discovering just one small part of it. What I'm saying is that telling people what your sexuality is, should be just as nerve wracking as revealing your favourite type of cheese. It should be mundane. That's all.

(Sorry about all of the cheese references. I'm pretty hungry. And for the record, my favourites are brie and smoked cheddar.)

What are your thoughts on coming out? Do you ever envisage a day when it will be no big deal? And, more importantly, what's your favourite type of cheese?